Anticipatory Press Release

From Jesus' General

Steele's Weekly Call for Forgiveness

I'm sure you've all seen Micheal Steele's clarification of his stance on abortion. If you haven't, here's how Monsieur Marshall described it:

[H]e thinks abortion should be the choice of the woman, notwithstanding always saying before -- and even in the same interview -- that he's pro-life.

Well, that wasn't the only clarification he made in his weekly call for forgiveness. There were others, many others, like these:

I was wrong when I said that Frank Sinatra's Pack Rats were my favorite entertainers. I meant U3.

Let me be clear, I do not really believe Gene Washington was the greatest American president. It was Judith Regan.

John Boehner's hair looks natural. I shouldn't have called it a greasy flea-market knock off of Trent Lott's nutria pelt helmet.

I misspoke when I stated that the stimulus package is "an immoral appliance and the state of Alabama was right to ban it." I should have said , "it's socialism and I'm going to talk to Mrs. Steele about it right away."

I should not have identified Ottawa as the capital of Afghanistan. I was distracted by a shiny object Joe the Plumber was trying to show me and meant to say "That's a bad rash, but a tax cut will clear it up right away."