The War On ... Hanukkah

The Christmas Push Back:

From The LA Times

Think Christmas has it bad?
You don't hear Jews complaining about the War on Hanukkah.
December 19, 2006

THERE IS A WAR on Hanukkah. I know this because, even by late last week, I had absolutely no idea it was Hanukkah. Usually my grandmother sends a card, or the radio plays that Adam Sandler song, or one of those Chabad people in a Mitzvah tank picks me out on the street as Jewish and hands me candles, causing me to worry that I'm balding and short and my nose is too big. Apparently, disseminating self-loathing is a mitzvah.

... Meanwhile, as Christmas piled up victory after victory, the city of Fort Collins, Colo., refused to display a 9-foot-tall menorah next to a Christmas tree in its town square. Instead, it sits in CooperSmith's Pub & Brewing. There's nothing sadder than watching a 9-foot-tall menorah drink away its pain.

These should be good times for Hanukkah and the Jews. After all, the Christmas story offers nothing besides a guy who erases all our sins, but the tale of Hanukkah centers on a magical, super-efficient oil that causes an eightfold decrease in carbon emissions. But instead of this being our year, we had the worst run-up to Hanukkah in 62 years: Iran hosted David Duke at its Holocaust denial conference; Mel Gibson got a Golden Globe nomination; Jimmy Carter equated Israeli policy with apartheid; Ehud Olmert — the least-smooth Jew since Jerry Lewis — accidentally admitted that Israel has the bomb; and the subtext of "Charlotte's Web" is that pork is irresistible.

... So until the world backs off on its war against Hanukkah, we're not going to play your reindeer games. We may not have enough Mitzvah tanks, but we do have other weapons just as annoying. Until Hanukkah gets its proper respect, we're pulling our singers from Christmas albums. No more Barbra Streisand, Bette Midler, Neil Diamond, Barry Manilow.

[We could do without Babs, Barry and Neil - GT12]

You'll quickly find you don't have many entertainers of your own when you're at Banana Republic listening to that one Kristin Chenoweth album over and over.

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